I am going through some up's and down's emotionally right now. I am up personally/spiritually. I feel okay about what I am able to do, and my relationship with God. But I feel REALLY down about being in the hospital with Darin. It is hard to be away from the family so much. I went home for 2 hours last night, while my mom sat with Darin. Heading back to the hospital, I cried. For the first time, I just didn't want to leave home. Usually, I have felt a decent balance, and don't mind returning. But I was feeling pretty hopeless upon my return. Darin was calm and tired, so I fed him and turned out the lights to go to sleep. Then the charge nurse came in to ask me to change rooms. Our room has a camera for watching patients with eating disorders; they needed the room, so we needed to move. This took until 12:30. Then we had to hook Darin up to his Bi-pap breathing machine. By this point, I was in tears. I don't like to see my baby with a heavy mask pulling on his face while he tries to rest. The nurse asked if I needed a break. Nice offer - don't know what she thought she would do to give me a 'break' at 1:30 in the morning. But it was nice.
Fortunately, our new room has less light and noise coming in from the hallway, so I slept better.
Please come visit if you have time. It is hard to be away from the kids and Joel all evening, but visitors make the time go by alot faster.