On my relationship with God...
My friend Tiffany posted an interesting challenge to explore our relationship with God, rather than just Christian-pop culture topics in our blogs. So people can learn and grow together. Here's my shot...
I am on a continuous roller-coaster ride in my relating to God. He is steady. I am anything but steady. Over the past year, I can see Him more. Why doesn't this make me trust Him more?
I think I have a tidal relationship - or bi-polar - whichever analogy suits you more. I will vigorously pursue Him, seek discipline, pray, trust - then one day, I will forget it all. Not on purpose, just not with purpose seeking Him.
I confess this is the state of my last month.
May and June were the close part of our relationship. I clung to Him in the midst of chaos and He, of course, sustained me and showed me the abundant life that comes within His plan. Not financial or material abundance. Peace.
Then July became busy. And routine. Sometimes I think I need chaos and uncertainty to drive me to God. Did I just write that? I don't think I really want to say that.
Anyway, right now, I am trying to return to discipline to bring back the closeness. I don't know "theologically" what support there is for this idea, but I think that you need to discipline yourself to pursue God. That way, whether you "feel" like being a Christian, you will still honor Him.
Right now, it's not that I don't want to pursue God, I just feel distracted. For example, I went to pray on Sunday, and the phone rang. Shouldn't have answered it, but I hate returning calls. Then, once the call was over, I forgot to go back to praying.
I think I need structure to my praying and bible study. I need a particular time set aside for it. I am asking God to help me find this order. I don't know where it should go. I just know it MUST be there. I miss it.