Processing

So, we had a 'ministry meeting' last night with some Basilica folks,
to discuss the state of the ministry...
I think it was good for me, if not them. We haven't done one in
awhile, and I dreaded it, because I knew I had a lot of confused
feelings toward our church. But since I started trying to express
them, I think it helped me realize a few things.
1. I wore myself out in the 1st 1.5 yrs of Basilica.
2. I thought I was angry with God... But I have prayed about this a
ton, and never really feel like this description fits.... Now I think
that I feel like I've been a disappointment to Him.
3. I am empty and don't know how to refill.

But a positive thing I realized is that drawing people to Christ is
still my only hope.

I'm having a lot of trouble putting myself out there anymore. It's
been really hard to disciple so many who have walked away from Him,
after they really got serious.

It's hard to be a pastor's wife... It feels like everything anyone
says about Basilica is about you. When I hear someone felt neglected
or left out, I internalize it, and worry about how I should have spent
my time.
I am trying to feel satisfied that I answered each time God led me....
But that is hard.