Camping

Holden and I just finished our first camping trip together. We arrived
@ noon on Monday, and immediately jumped in the Frio for 2+ hour
float.
Holden is an awesome River Rat, swimming in and out of his tube, not
even getting scared when we flipped on the rapids, and acting like a
little motor to pull me and Jessica alone.
Yesterday Holden spent from 10a-5p in the section of river by our
campsite. As we laid on the air mattress for a little rest, he said,
"when are we gonna swim again?"
After I replied, "not for awhile." he laid his head down crashed.

I loved camping with him. We enjoy the same things.

This might have to be our annual Mother-Son trip!

What do these 3 shows have in common?

1. The Office
2. Lost
3. Heroes

None are on right now.
I love them all.

Next best thing: talking about them!

The Office: I just fell in love with this one over the past month.
Favorite characters: Jim and Pam, although Michael Scott has really grown on me.
I think Michael's personality initially seemed weird, but he turns out
to be much like the social-different men in my life, whom I love ( my
dad, my husband, my brother Tim, Michael Rice).
Then there's Pam. Just an average girl, brought to everyone's
attention when Karen :-( comes into the office. The most normal person
there. I feel like she and I have lots in common. Trying to explore
art in a world of much more artist people, often made to look plain by
other's sophistication. But she's the most sincere.
And Jim. So adorable. Enough said.
Favorite episodes: Season 3 Finale & Season 4 Finale - especially the
Kevin joke told to the new HR lady.

Lost: the first of the 3 to become obsessed with, I must confess that
we would watch 3-6 hrs @ a time. I feel like a sci-fi geek when I
discuss podcasts and theories about it with my hubby and friends. It
still bugs me that all the answers to the mysteries may lie in the
imaginary - I know this is silly and illogical, but I like the show
more if I think it follows the same laws (gravity, space-time, etc) as
my world.... cuz then if my plane crashed, these things could happen
to me.
Favorite character: Sawyer. He's totally grown on me. I have become
more and more suspicious of Jack, the obvious favorite, and I think
Sawyer has made more and more selfless choices.
Biggest question: what's up with Jack's (& Claire's) dad?

Heroes: who doesn't love a superhero?
Favorite characters: Claire-bear and Peter
I love when they do the strings showing how everyone
overlaps/crisscrosses.... Although I don't like the portrayal of the
future.
Returning Sept 22nd!

Me and Holdie

So, Holden and I get to go camping on the Frio River this week
Monday-Thursday. I am so excited for 1-on-1 time with him. Plus I love
tubing!

Going out with a bang

Last night, Arabella graduated from her 6th year @ the Rise School of Houston. The night was so intentionally put-together, and I really enjoyed it.

Arabella's a little bi-polar in performing: she's the queen or she's completely shut down. The Annie video is being ON! Her ballet recital was her being totally OFF (we both knew the ballet dance backwards and forwards).

Last night, she was ON. Her class did an introduction routine, and she said her name and age on cue (although according to her, she's 5). Then they sang "Rise" by the Robbie Seay Band. Arabella started off totally still, but then kicked in with all the signs right on beat.

Then we went to the nearby Marco's for some food. They had a live musician, playing mostly Mexican music. As you can see from the picture, it was better than a playground. That girl and her brothers can cut a rug!

Reflections of God

As you can see, this is a spiritually difficult time for me.
During this time, the person who is ministering to me the most is Angie. I have never met her...probably never will. I read her blog. But just as Let the Nations Be Glad ministered to me on paper, Bring the Rain ministers to me by Blog.

You should read all the posts yourself, but the summary of Angie's year is that in January, an ultrasound reveal so was carrying a baby girl that could not survive after she was born. So, when Audrey Caroline was born on April 7, she only lived a few hours.

Angie is preaching the Gospel through her grief. It's amazing.

Balancing

I am going back and forth on educating Arabella and Holden.
One day I am set on homeschooling, looking forward to the time together, the opportunity to teach them, and uncomplicate our life.
The next day, I think, "who am I kidding!" I'll never be organized enough to teach them. Their lifes will be chaotic.

Last week, I planned to go on Thursday to just talk to my local school (in a district know for excelling in Special Ed) about Arabella. But I knew there were factors they could not guarantee: mainly, how good of an Aide she would have.
Then Wed, her Speech Therapist invite Arabella to join a 3-day per week class with 5 other kids @ her center, to supplement her homeschooling. It sounds like it will offer just what I was looking for at school - a routine, consistent interactions with other kids, and obedience to another teacher.
I am so thankful for this super-affordable option, 1/2-way between homeschool and school. I'll still do the academics, pick the curriculum, but I'll have some time to reorganize between our at-home school days.

So that just leaves Holden. My sweet Holden. I have lots of guilt about last year. I pulled him out of The Rise School for Pre-K, to try the public Montessori magnet in our old school district, Wilson Elementary. It was a fine arts school, so I thought it would be good for him, but the timing was really about checking it out for Arabella for this coming year.
He missed Rise a lot. Then at the end of the 2nd semester, we moved him to Veritas Christian Academy. He wanted to learn about God, we wanted him to be trained in righteousness, and we knew by then that Wilson Elementary was not going to be a good fit for Arabella.
Holden did great @ Veritas. It was a great little school.

But now that we moved, Veritas is not an option. It's in Bellaire....
We are in Deer Park. It has an 8am arrival with $5 tardies.... We would have to leave home @ 7am to be on time.

So, no matter what, Holden's doing something new. And he doesn't even turn 5 until August 23rd.
At the end of the school year, he was excited about homeschooling....
Now he's asking for school. But he's not the Boss, so I have to decide.

Yikes!

Processing

So, we had a 'ministry meeting' last night with some Basilica folks,
to discuss the state of the ministry...
I think it was good for me, if not them. We haven't done one in
awhile, and I dreaded it, because I knew I had a lot of confused
feelings toward our church. But since I started trying to express
them, I think it helped me realize a few things.
1. I wore myself out in the 1st 1.5 yrs of Basilica.
2. I thought I was angry with God... But I have prayed about this a
ton, and never really feel like this description fits.... Now I think
that I feel like I've been a disappointment to Him.
3. I am empty and don't know how to refill.

But a positive thing I realized is that drawing people to Christ is
still my only hope.

I'm having a lot of trouble putting myself out there anymore. It's
been really hard to disciple so many who have walked away from Him,
after they really got serious.

It's hard to be a pastor's wife... It feels like everything anyone
says about Basilica is about you. When I hear someone felt neglected
or left out, I internalize it, and worry about how I should have spent
my time.
I am trying to feel satisfied that I answered each time God led me....
But that is hard.