Down...

I'm pretty down right now. And I feel bad about being down.
Honestly, I love each part of my life... being a wife, being a mom, being a churchplanter, being a case manager.
But I can't handle doing them all mediocre. I am falling apart.
The worst part is the lack of options. I don't know of a break from any of them...

Tonight, people were at my house, which normal energizes me, and really it just frustrated me... I need about 48 hours of alone, getting caught up time; then I need 48 hours to re-connect with my husband, who I am being a total jerk to; then I need about a year to figure out the educational strategy for each of my kids and all the special therapies and supplements that will help them develop the best.

The only idea I have is to check out for a month - simply stop participating in life outside my home. I started working on this about a week ago when I felt the darkness closing in. I have asked some of my princesses to take on some of the responsibility of Girl's Night Out which is hard for me to do since I LOVE IT, and I am seeing real relationships develop between the girls.

God, I have to take my hands out of it, and count on You to hold it all together. I can't anymore.

Most pathetic thing is tomorrow is my birthday, and I am so overwhelmed that my birthday dinner feels like a burden. Maybe tomorrow will be a better day...

And Tammi moves to Nairobi on Monday.