Cleaning out

Wow, I have felt behind by about a week since we got Darin last summer. There are always about 5 things that I feel like I should have done, but I have NOT done.
Over the past 2 weeks, this list of things has finally been getting done.

1. The first was cleaning out my laundry room. In a tiny house such as mine (1000 s.f. + 5 people), every inch matters and a messy space = a messy mind. As things piled into the laundry room, I started to feel chaotic and slobbish. Last week, I finally had time to get that mess OUT!
2. Holden has been eying the hand-me-down Sunday School curriculum that my mom graciously brought us from Faith Community church. But, with all the other areas of Basilica to organize, I never seem to be ready for the kids on Sunday night. Finally, last week, I was able to get all the lessons sorted, make a plan for how to utilize what we were given to teach my little ones (1,3,5 yrs) and Charity (7 yrs). It was really exciting to count backwards from Christmas to do lessons that will lead right into the miraculous birth of our Savior! I told Holden all day Sunday that we would be learning about Joseph - he remembered and drug me out of the service to start his lesson. It is great to have a hungry mind to feed.
   
3. Then, yesterday, Joel and I spent the WHOLE day cleaning out our garage. That place had become the overflow capital of the world. It has 700 s.f., so it can be a huge asset. But it had become HORRIBLY dirty and full of waste. I did it "Clean Sweep" style, pulling everything out into the yard, then only reloading the garage with things that should be out there.
   

• Now my next step of progress with be to tackle the photo bag with all my memories of the past 3 years of Holden and Arabella, and last year of Darin. I am supposed to keep a "Lifebook" for Darin, so he has more in an album than Holden - a point of guilt for me. I don't want to give Holden any reason for "middle kid angst". So, hopefully, I will get organized and start working on a photo album for at least his first year or two.

It makes me feel kinda OCD to worry about all these details so much. But I don't want to end up with a box of memories that I can't look at, a house I am embarassed to entertain in, and a life to cluttered to be useful. Just who I am, I guess.

Thanksgiving

So, Joel ask me to post about thanksgiving along side of him... I don't why I would accept an invitation from someone so eloquent. But here I am.

My life is so abundant, it is hard to begin with what I am thankful for. I find myself in the midst of REAL life - the part of it we all wait for.

1. I am married to my best friend. As I spend more and more time with young, unmarried girls, I am more and more thankful for Joel. As much as he provides companionship, he also provides a security and sense of belonging that we all long for. I can speak confidently into people's lives without having the shadow their judgement causing me to hesitate - my value comes from the Lord, and many times through what the Lord has made Joel feel for me.
2. I have 3 AMAZING babies. Throughout life, I tried to figure out why I had different experiences with people with disabilities. Honestly, I usually concluded that I would be getting a disability eventually. But to my gracious surprise, I am blessed to have Arabella and Darin. I adore them. I love the promise of more and more snuggles to come throughout their life. I love that we will tackle challenges as a unified force. Then there's my wild man, Holden. Man, I love that kid. His mind is so expansive it overwhelms me. He remembers EVERYTHING we say, and he can transfer that information into new situations as needed.
   
3. Family. Truthfully, I always pictured doing work for the Lord in a foreign country. Family-wise, this is equivalent to doing work in a lab - they can't see the task or be a part of it; and any insight they may have would be from afar. My personal solution to leaving them out was to take them with me - what better model of the Church than the family. But even now, I am experiencing the best of both worlds: God is having us do work right in the place where we have family. We are able to experience their support (THANKS - mom, dad, Mimi, Glenn, Marcia, Tim and Nathan) without uprooting all of them. I know God will always provide what we need to do His work, but it is very nice to have those provisions come through our Family.
4. My BasiliGirls. College was the Glory Days of girl-friendships. You have lots of time to invest in friendships, and you are in a place to discover what type of friend you want to be. I never thought I would have a really close group of girlfriends again. In the girls who have come together around Basilica, I have found companionship and challenge.
5. Precepts. I have longed to know the Bible - but truthfully, I did not. I didn't know how get the information into my head in a way I could actually apply it. Precepts Bible Study method is showing me the way. I think that I am beginning to grasp issues in the Bible I have only heard great men of God talk about before.

Lord, thank you for life. It is more abundant than I could have EVERY planned or imagined.

The Lord is Gracious and Compassionate

Today, I woke up wanting to hear a certain song.
Once I started listening (on repeat), my mind went back to one of the first times I listened to this song.
In early March 2001, just a few weeks after Joel and I got married, we went for our 2nd ultrasound of baby Arabella. I think she was gestationally 10-11 weeks old... they had this ultrasound because my first one had (at 7-8 weeks) showed low amniotic fluid. So, during this ultrasound, the Ultrasound Technician said the amniotic fluid looked fine, and she gave us pictures of the developing baby in my womb.
Since Joel and I both had to go to work, we quickly checked out; then the Tech stopped us and said I needed to talk to the doctor before we left. I sent Joel to get the car, and went to see Dr. Joi Findley-Smith.
She came into the room... it's kinda blurry after that, but she said something like, "The baby has a nucle-thickening on it's neck... may indicate a trisomy, which is an extra chromosome... usually not viable with life... Down Syndrome is Trisomy 21... most of the trisomies don't live to be born, or they die soon after birth... you should probably consider terminating... baby might just terminate itself."
At that point, I paged Joel with "911" and fought back tears.
All the doctor did was schedule me for a visit with the perinatologist (pre-birth baby doctor) for a high-risk ultrasound and testing... and she sent us on our way.

I felt shattered. Not because of the trisomy possibility. Because I did not know if the child growing inside of me was dead or alive, and I had NO POWER to affect that.
We drove home, numb zombies.
Then I crawled into bed and wept. I mourned the baby that I had dreamt of my whole life, who may now be dead within me. It was horrible.

And then the healing began.

My beautiful new leader, Joel, came into the room. He pulled me out of bed, carried me into the living room of our little apartment, and put on this song. And while I wept and shook in anguish, he anointed my belly, my forehead, and he prayed for our Arabella.

She is our beautiful altar of grace. He, Yahweh, the most high GOD, is gracious and compassionate, slow to anger, and rich in love. In the midst of our sin, He knit together our angel.