My new job

Well, I had my first day at the new job - loved it! The environment was very nice - friendly people, people truly concerned about the people they serve, willing to help me serve them well. I don't have ANY computer time as I am training and working 8-5. But eventually, I will be making my own schedule, and driving to see people in their homes, and I will have time to read and write blogs again. I miss my blog reading, so I feel connected to all of you. Thanks for the prayers. Of course, they worked.

Friday night was a great time for me. I had a huge Kaleo slumber party. Upon reflecting on this time, I realized that something great had happened for me:
I spent the night as Heather. Not as Arabella, Holden & Darin's mom. But as me.
Since becoming a mom, it has been easy to hid behind the kids in new or scary social situations. I can be there and never go beyond the level of regurgitate odds'n'ends about the kids. It is very safe, but completely unfulfilling.
Friday, the kids were safely tucked away with Joel's mom, Darin and Joel were snuggling at the hospital, and I completely let my guard down. I realized this Saturday morning when I had not called to check on how Holden slept or what they ate.
I think I did okay on my own. I was not so socially ackward that I sat alone in a corner. Actually, my whole night was spent drawing Henna art on hands and ankles. A beautiful way to interact - holding the hand of a friend and making them even more beautiful.

My relationgship to Kaleo is weird. Not outwardly, but inwardly. I know we are leaving to plant Basilica. Sometimes, it dawns on me to wait for the new church to create unity, friendship, and strength in a group of women. But then I remember the wandering nature of our call to be churchplanters. We are never going to be anywhere for a long time. But I must continue to invest in each group of women with the same zeal. For in the end, these are my sisters, my support, and from each group I will learn things that will prepare me for the next.

At Ecclesia, I learned to be a mother in a way that feels right to me - nursing, wearing a sling, weighing each decision seriously, choosing my children above my own interests.
At First Baptist, I learned to study the Bible and pursue Him in the midst of motherhood so I could minister to other women.
At Kaleo, I am learning to work together with all the women to be the Body of Christ to one another.

Man, I love these women.

3 Interpretations on a commonly quoted scripture

Over the past few years, I have felt a special closeness to a particular verse, Psalm 37:4

Delight yourself in the LORD and he will give you the desires of your heart.

I think it is very interesting how people interprete this 3 different ways. I want to share my progression through mainly the last two interpretations... I am including the first for completeness.

1. Prosperity interpretation - "if I serve God, he will give me what I want... a big house, nice car, ya know... lots of money and stuff." (emphasis on "he will give you")
   Honestly, I don't think this one lines up with the Bible at all. The focus of our relationship with God is not US.
   
2. Directing God through prayer - "when I pray, I tell God what my heart desires. Then He makes it happen." (emphasis on "desires of your heart")
   This is the way I used to think... especially about Arabella. When I worked at Camp Barnabas in Summer 1999, I had a cabin full of Down Syndrome angels. And I fell in love. So I prayed, "God, if you have an extra child with Down Syndrome, who you need a family for, send them to me." Then Arabella was born in 2001!
   
   But I don't think this is Biblical either... it implies that God doesn't already have a plan, that I know what is best, with the focus still on ME...
   
3. God directing us as we pray - "when I pray, I begin to hear from God, and understand Him, and I am able to see his Desires and they become my desires." (emphasis on "he will give you desires")
   I think this one is actually what happened with Arabella - God, in his infinite wisdom and fore-knowledge, placed in my heart the desire for what He had planned from the beginning of time. That way, I was able to see His blessing in something that scares others. This is consistent with the God of the Bible - focusing on getting GLORY for GOD out of a situation that the world sees inaccurately. Attention on God by all parties!

Isn't it weird how the same verse can be taken so many ways? Do you have examples of this?

Excited about Life

Even though Darin is in the hospital, my life is going pretty well. Having him out for 3 weeks allowed me to accomplish several things that I really wanted while we were there before:
1. Get pictures of all three kids together - well, at least we tried, even though not a single picture will include all 3.
2. Get the ball rolling on the church plant...
3. Plan some bonding stuff for Kaleo... there's a slumber party this Friday night.

Lots of fun!

And I love the cold weather... see my cutie Holden all bundled up.

Darin's back at Texas Children's hospital... so I'm too busy to blog. But in high spirits!

It is finished.

I finally felt peace about my decision... I placed my resignation at the Star of Hope today. I will finish the day after Thanksgiving, then start at VitaLiving on November 28th. I am excited and sad at the same time... typical girl!

I haven't posted about the job yet, because I am having ALOT of trouble deciding... pros both ways. Yesterday, the official announcement was made that my favorite former boss, Erika, is now my boss again. So I have the added pressure of disappointing her. I had pretty well decided to go with the new job until that factor was added in... I wish it didn't matter to me if people are happy with me...
So, I spoke openly about the whole thing with Erika yesterday. Told her I would decide one way or another by Monday, since the other place wants me to start on Nov. 28th...
ARGH!

So, I went on the mysterious interview mentioned 3 posts ago...
The position of CLASS case manager sounds great:

• Use government funds (up to $63,000 per year per person) to support a person living in their home/with a relative rather than being institutionalized (group home, etc.)
• Arrange therapy, home modifications, activities, etc.
• Do quarterly visits to their home
• Complete lots of paperwork
• Create my own schedule, as long as I get all the work done; paperwork could even be done from home.

The interview was great, too. Angela, the director of the CLASS dept. was really nice and we related in alot of areas. She told me she was very interested in hiring me.

The only question is the salary. Basically, the salary starts at less than I currently make. Angela noticed this, and said she was going to request from the director to match my current salary. So, taking the job would not include a raise. Although, it is a hourly pay set-up, so there is potential for overtime.... which I don't have here.

Now I am left with deciding:

Do I want to change jobs for more flexiblity, but more driving?

or

Should I stick around here, close to home, and make it work?

---

Arguments on each side

New adventure Flexible hours Driving around, sometimes at home, sometimes far away Unknown amount of stress, but more structured Nice boss Earning level is same, with hope for overtime?

or

Close to home Not flexible hours, unfortunately including Saturdays Not stressful, but undefined and unfulfilling 97% sure Erika (favorite old boss) will be boss again soon If Erika becomes boss, then Melissa will take her job... freeing up Melissa's position... which I could apply for, have a new adventure, and possibly a raise?

What do you think?
Please comment with insight, perspective, or messages from God.

My angel on her first field trip... who knew she would love horses! I'm looking for some therapeutic riding for her now, since we are pretty bored with our current therapy regiment!

My friend Amy edified me the other day by sending this devotional... hopefully, you can be edified by it too.

"Believing is Seeing"

Micca Campbell, Proverbs 31 Ministries

2 Kings 6:17, "… O, Lord, open his eyes so he may see."

Discouragement is normal to feel when we've experienced some sort of loss, or when we are waiting on God to do something in our lives. It may be that we are waiting on God to find our mate, begin a family, provide a job, cure our illness, or help us achieve our dreams. Yet, when we have unaccomplished goals or unfulfilled dreams due to circumstances beyond our control, we can also feel disappointed with God for allowing these events to take place in our lives. Worse yet, our disappointment grows while we are waiting for God to fix it.

Waiting is the hard part. It's living in the unknown that we don't like. We wonder, "What is God up to? When is He going to do something? Does He hear my cries?" I can answer with a confident, "Yes!" God knows your pain, He hears your cry, and He is at work on your behalf whether you see Him at work or not.

I have learned that while we are "in the wait," peace comes by trusting God. To help increase my faith, I often pray what God has promised me in His Word."Lord, I trust that You are with me. I know that You will never leave me nor forsake me. I am not alone. You care for me. You are my provider, and You have a perfect plan, especially for me. I do not have to be afraid for You are faithful."

Then, I ask God, like Elisha the prophet, to open my eyes so that I can see what I have professed with my mouth. God did that for Elisha and his friend, and He'll do it for you and me, too.

It happened like this. King Aram was at war with Israel. During this time, the prophet Elisha, and another man of God, would spy on King Aram and then report his strategy to the King of Israel. When King Aram found out Elisha was the one blowing his cover to Israel, he sent horsemen and chariots by night to surrounded Elisha's camp and capture him. When Elisha and the man of God awoke and saw that they were encircled by the enemy, the man of God cried out in terror, "What shall we do?" Elisha said to him, "Do not be afraid. For those who are with us are more than them." Then Elisha called to the Lord, "Open his eyes so that he may see." Suddenly, the man of God saw chariots of fire from God all around. What do you think that did to his fear - to know that God was fighting the battle for them?

Do chariots marked with doubt, fear, worry, and discouragements have you surrounded? Do you fear they will conquer you? Are you crying out like Elisha's friend, "What am I going to do?" God is greater than your depression and anxieties. Perhaps it's time to ask God to open your eyes so that you can see His power and love working together to fight your battle. Seeing the truth will help you overcome your discouragement while you're waiting for God to claim your victory.

My Prayer for Today:

Dear Lord, open my eyes so that they may see You and Your mighty power at work on my behalf. Conquer my fear and worry and replace it with faith and trust in You alone. Strengthen my inner being and help me to know and experience the depth of Your love that You have for me. In Jesus' Name, Amen.

Hope that builds your faith in whatever situation you are in.