Invisible Children of Uganda

In 2006, some random nobodies like us went Uganda to find out the story behind the Civil War and the use of children as KILLERS! The movie " Invisible Children" has been used to get the word out about the children who leave their home every night to sleep in the city SO THEY WON'T BE ABDUCTED FROM THEIR HOME.
Since the movie came out, alot of progress has been made... but the children still do not have their home.

In 30 days, on APRIL 28, there will be a gathering called DisPlace Me.

"Displace Me" is the nationwide event giving Americans the chance to respond.

By traveling to one of 15 camps and gathering together, the strength of our size will make a visible statement to our government and media that the citizens of the U.S. demand action in ending the war in Northern Uganda, in order to send the Acholi people suffering in the camps and the abducted children back home. The point is to travel; the point is to become displaced yourself.

Saturday, April 28, 2007 say "Displace Me" and leave your homes to bring them home.
The closest camp is in Austin. I will be going. Join me.

Cleaning out

Wow, I have felt behind by about a week since we got Darin last summer. There are always about 5 things that I feel like I should have done, but I have NOT done.
Over the past 2 weeks, this list of things has finally been getting done.

1. The first was cleaning out my laundry room. In a tiny house such as mine (1000 s.f. + 5 people), every inch matters and a messy space = a messy mind. As things piled into the laundry room, I started to feel chaotic and slobbish. Last week, I finally had time to get that mess OUT!
2. Holden has been eying the hand-me-down Sunday School curriculum that my mom graciously brought us from Faith Community church. But, with all the other areas of Basilica to organize, I never seem to be ready for the kids on Sunday night. Finally, last week, I was able to get all the lessons sorted, make a plan for how to utilize what we were given to teach my little ones (1,3,5 yrs) and Charity (7 yrs). It was really exciting to count backwards from Christmas to do lessons that will lead right into the miraculous birth of our Savior! I told Holden all day Sunday that we would be learning about Joseph - he remembered and drug me out of the service to start his lesson. It is great to have a hungry mind to feed.
   
3. Then, yesterday, Joel and I spent the WHOLE day cleaning out our garage. That place had become the overflow capital of the world. It has 700 s.f., so it can be a huge asset. But it had become HORRIBLY dirty and full of waste. I did it "Clean Sweep" style, pulling everything out into the yard, then only reloading the garage with things that should be out there.
   

• Now my next step of progress with be to tackle the photo bag with all my memories of the past 3 years of Holden and Arabella, and last year of Darin. I am supposed to keep a "Lifebook" for Darin, so he has more in an album than Holden - a point of guilt for me. I don't want to give Holden any reason for "middle kid angst". So, hopefully, I will get organized and start working on a photo album for at least his first year or two.

It makes me feel kinda OCD to worry about all these details so much. But I don't want to end up with a box of memories that I can't look at, a house I am embarassed to entertain in, and a life to cluttered to be useful. Just who I am, I guess.

Thanksgiving

So, Joel ask me to post about thanksgiving along side of him... I don't why I would accept an invitation from someone so eloquent. But here I am.

My life is so abundant, it is hard to begin with what I am thankful for. I find myself in the midst of REAL life - the part of it we all wait for.

1. I am married to my best friend. As I spend more and more time with young, unmarried girls, I am more and more thankful for Joel. As much as he provides companionship, he also provides a security and sense of belonging that we all long for. I can speak confidently into people's lives without having the shadow their judgement causing me to hesitate - my value comes from the Lord, and many times through what the Lord has made Joel feel for me.
2. I have 3 AMAZING babies. Throughout life, I tried to figure out why I had different experiences with people with disabilities. Honestly, I usually concluded that I would be getting a disability eventually. But to my gracious surprise, I am blessed to have Arabella and Darin. I adore them. I love the promise of more and more snuggles to come throughout their life. I love that we will tackle challenges as a unified force. Then there's my wild man, Holden. Man, I love that kid. His mind is so expansive it overwhelms me. He remembers EVERYTHING we say, and he can transfer that information into new situations as needed.
   
3. Family. Truthfully, I always pictured doing work for the Lord in a foreign country. Family-wise, this is equivalent to doing work in a lab - they can't see the task or be a part of it; and any insight they may have would be from afar. My personal solution to leaving them out was to take them with me - what better model of the Church than the family. But even now, I am experiencing the best of both worlds: God is having us do work right in the place where we have family. We are able to experience their support (THANKS - mom, dad, Mimi, Glenn, Marcia, Tim and Nathan) without uprooting all of them. I know God will always provide what we need to do His work, but it is very nice to have those provisions come through our Family.
4. My BasiliGirls. College was the Glory Days of girl-friendships. You have lots of time to invest in friendships, and you are in a place to discover what type of friend you want to be. I never thought I would have a really close group of girlfriends again. In the girls who have come together around Basilica, I have found companionship and challenge.
5. Precepts. I have longed to know the Bible - but truthfully, I did not. I didn't know how get the information into my head in a way I could actually apply it. Precepts Bible Study method is showing me the way. I think that I am beginning to grasp issues in the Bible I have only heard great men of God talk about before.

Lord, thank you for life. It is more abundant than I could have EVERY planned or imagined.

The Lord is Gracious and Compassionate

Today, I woke up wanting to hear a certain song.
Once I started listening (on repeat), my mind went back to one of the first times I listened to this song.
In early March 2001, just a few weeks after Joel and I got married, we went for our 2nd ultrasound of baby Arabella. I think she was gestationally 10-11 weeks old... they had this ultrasound because my first one had (at 7-8 weeks) showed low amniotic fluid. So, during this ultrasound, the Ultrasound Technician said the amniotic fluid looked fine, and she gave us pictures of the developing baby in my womb.
Since Joel and I both had to go to work, we quickly checked out; then the Tech stopped us and said I needed to talk to the doctor before we left. I sent Joel to get the car, and went to see Dr. Joi Findley-Smith.
She came into the room... it's kinda blurry after that, but she said something like, "The baby has a nucle-thickening on it's neck... may indicate a trisomy, which is an extra chromosome... usually not viable with life... Down Syndrome is Trisomy 21... most of the trisomies don't live to be born, or they die soon after birth... you should probably consider terminating... baby might just terminate itself."
At that point, I paged Joel with "911" and fought back tears.
All the doctor did was schedule me for a visit with the perinatologist (pre-birth baby doctor) for a high-risk ultrasound and testing... and she sent us on our way.

I felt shattered. Not because of the trisomy possibility. Because I did not know if the child growing inside of me was dead or alive, and I had NO POWER to affect that.
We drove home, numb zombies.
Then I crawled into bed and wept. I mourned the baby that I had dreamt of my whole life, who may now be dead within me. It was horrible.

And then the healing began.

My beautiful new leader, Joel, came into the room. He pulled me out of bed, carried me into the living room of our little apartment, and put on this song. And while I wept and shook in anguish, he anointed my belly, my forehead, and he prayed for our Arabella.

She is our beautiful altar of grace. He, Yahweh, the most high GOD, is gracious and compassionate, slow to anger, and rich in love. In the midst of our sin, He knit together our angel.

The Basilica in a new location

So, we have been working on planting this church for over a year now. Sometimes it feels good, sometimes exhausting, sometimes completely defeating. Overall, I have grown alot from the challenge of ministering the LOVE of God and the Gospel outside the safe confines of an established ministry.

My favorite part for the past 4 months has been Girl's Night Out which gradually shifted to Girl's Bible Study. I have watched young woman battle the tempation to be click-ish and caddy, to have real relationships that help each other get close to God.

But yesterday topped even that!
Yesterday, we moved from meeting in a sunday school room at another church on Saturday afternoon (terrible timing, awkward location) to a building that houses the Baptist Student Ministry for San Jacinto College Central Campus. The building is not huge, but is very good for our size. And we have put a LOT of work into customizing the space (portably - to be redone each week!) to create an atmosphere of worship that reflects our personal style.

But, that is not the main part that I loved about yesterday:
Yesterday, I saw that the Basilica Community has become a body of Christ. More than a group of consumers coming to "get some teaching", I was able to see different parts functioning where they were gifted.
You see, we had a "planning meeting" last Sunday, and in my dis-organized oversight, I forgot to arrange anyone to help set up this first Sunday. Honestly, sometimes I like to work out details before I present things to a group, but mostly I forgot.
So, when Jessica & I arrived at the BSM an hour late (3pm) and only 2.5 hours before the meal (at 5:30pm), I was SOOOO thankful to be greeted by Jody & Charisa. Then, rolls in the rest of band, Mat. And pops in Andy... followed by Tim, Elisabeth, Dave...

I would never have asked so many people to help. And yet, without each of their hands, we would not have been able to get it all ready.

Thanks, my Basili-babes and dudes!
Love,
Heather

Joy

You can never leave a post titled "Down" as the last post for long...

Since last night, I have experienced a whole lot of love. If you read the comments on the last post, you will see some of it.
Today was my 29th birthday. I have not received so many "happy birthdays" in a long time. Tonight, I had a wonderful dinner with many friends. It is hard to stay blue in the midst of that.
Thank you Lord for community... I see why you designed us to work together; we are healing to each other.

Much love to all of you.

Down...

I'm pretty down right now. And I feel bad about being down.
Honestly, I love each part of my life... being a wife, being a mom, being a churchplanter, being a case manager.
But I can't handle doing them all mediocre. I am falling apart.
The worst part is the lack of options. I don't know of a break from any of them...

Tonight, people were at my house, which normal energizes me, and really it just frustrated me... I need about 48 hours of alone, getting caught up time; then I need 48 hours to re-connect with my husband, who I am being a total jerk to; then I need about a year to figure out the educational strategy for each of my kids and all the special therapies and supplements that will help them develop the best.

The only idea I have is to check out for a month - simply stop participating in life outside my home. I started working on this about a week ago when I felt the darkness closing in. I have asked some of my princesses to take on some of the responsibility of Girl's Night Out which is hard for me to do since I LOVE IT, and I am seeing real relationships develop between the girls.

God, I have to take my hands out of it, and count on You to hold it all together. I can't anymore.

Most pathetic thing is tomorrow is my birthday, and I am so overwhelmed that my birthday dinner feels like a burden. Maybe tomorrow will be a better day...

And Tammi moves to Nairobi on Monday.

Training in godliness (do I actually have to work?)

So, now that I got my garden-bragging out, I can return to the real purpose for this blog - honest spiritual sharing.

I feel like I may be the most bi-polar person in relating to God. How I view Him is frequently grounded in emotion, and not in reality!
I am really beginning to understand the purpose of spiritual discipline or disciplines. "Disciplines" are known historically as activities that people do to draw close to God, such as prayer, meditation, scripture memory, and fasting. And "discipline" is the training to become a disciple, a person who acts like Christ. These activities are not the "list of rules" that makes you righteous. But they are ways to draw close to God when you don't "feel it".

Prayer
One of my favorite authors, Lauren Winner, of Girl meets God talks about the discipline of praying in her book Mudhouse Sabbath. The context is a discussion of using a Book of Common Prayers or praying the Psalms or scripture. I started reading this chapter thinking, "I would never read someone else's prayers... they don't reflect ME!"
But Lauren shared how she uses these tools. She explained that when your heart does not know what to ask God, and when you do not feel like you what to relate to Him, reading Biblical, theologically sound words to God can change YOU! and ensure you are relating to Him in an honoring way.

I need some structure in my relationship with God right now. At the beginning of Lent, I started running 2-3 times a week as a time for prayer. This was great for my body, and offered me a consistent time alone with God away from distractions. Then, May came, we became alot busier with the start of Basilica, it got HOT, and I haven't run in weeks. Of course, my prayers did not cease, but they shifted to a disorganized, segmented mess, with alot less intercession, and alot less scripture - they have been reduced to mostly giving God an update on where I stand at this point.

Joel referred to John Piper's statement on prayer in one of his sermons. My summary: we use prayer too often as a request for "room service" to "come fluff our pillows" instead of as a "walky-talky" to "the commander" asking for reinforcements or new orders or status of the battle.
I need to hear from my Commander. I need to take the time to listen.

Study
The thing I am the most thankful for keeping me in contact with God right now is Precepts. In early spring, Kelly and I participated in a Precepts bible study at HFBC on Leviticus. Now we are in the midst of II Kings.

Honestly, although I definitely believe every word in the Bible, every story, every book, was ordained by God to reflect Him, I never really got Leviticus. Actually, too much of my time as a Christian (going on 9 years) has been spent celebrating my freedom from the Law. For, "It is for freedom that Christ has set us free. Stand firm, then, and do not let yourselves be burdened again by a yoke of slavery.", right?

The study of Leviticus, beginning with the sacrifices in chapters 1-7, has reshaped my view of God. I never really understood the character of God enough to appreciate the blood sacrifice of Christ. I never really believed that God required RIGHTEOUSNESS.

This study has awaken a hunger in me to consume the Old Testament. It is amazing to see the choices of the Isrealites, to form an opinion of them, then realize I am doing the same thing they did. Today, as I read Exodus 16, where God begins His daily provision of manna for the Isrealites, several things stood out to me:

• God responded to their complaining lovingly with food, even though He could have easily pointed back to the parting of the Red Sea and been angry that they so quickly forgot that He saved them with an amazing miracle.
• God's provision was precise. It says that they were told to gather a certain amount per member of their house, and those who gathered too little had the right amount as did those who gathered more.

But here is the most convicting part - this miracle was with them THROUGHOUT their time in the wilderness. So, when they built a Golden Calf as an idol, they had just woken up and eaten of the provision of God... then they decided He didn't deserve their worship, and tried to replace Him.

Man, I feel that. I can't deny that God is the provider for our family. The economics of our life are unique and amazing. But then I turn to away from God and complain.

Discipline
So, if you have read this far, maybe you are ready for a discussion. Here is my question:

What is right attitude or approach to take toward training as a disciple of Christ?

Here are beginning thoughts for the conversation...

• I Tim 4:7-8 "Rather, train yourself in godliness, for the training of the body has a limited benefit, but godliness is beneficial in every way, since it holds promise for the present life and also for the life to come." - and Joel's sermon touching on this topic.
  
• During my junior high/Disciple Now years, the idea of a "quiet time" was pushed. But for a list-maker like me, it is easy to put this on my list of things to do, check it off, but not actually interact with God. Having a structured list for pursuing God feels like I am trying to make myself righteous through the Law (ie: I did this, I did that, I am so great)
• But on the opposite extreme, I have been a part of a busy generation of young adults who bask in freedom - freedom to decorate our bodies, freedom to worship at different times of day, freedom to worship through art. We don't have any certain standard for pursuing God, so it is hard to know how to encourage our sisters/brothers in their pursuit. We don't assume that they are the bible study type, or the scripture memory type, or that they are the journaling type.
• So, how do we "train in godliness" without legalism (ie "You must...") but with accountability and encouragement?
  

Growing stuff

This April, I had the impulsive idea that Holden and I should plant a garden. It sounded like a fun idea. Actually, Tammi started my thinking about it when she casually dropped off a book called Square-foot Gardening. I tried to figure out why she would think that I had time to, or interest in gardening. But as this urge came to me, I was excited to have a place to begin.
The technique in the book focused on planting a 4' x 4' square with a certain ratio of each plant filling up a 1' x 1' section. I decided to do it along my fence (which is iron covered with a wire mesh) so that I could have a big climbing area.

Now, this turned out to be a much bigger, expensive project than the book said it would be.
1. First, they didn't have our soil. The location I picked used to be a gravel driveway, so I had to till up the soil and sort out lots of rocks.
2. Then I had to buy a ton of manure, potting soil, and other health soil stuff to give the plants a fighting chance in our gumbo soil.
3. Then I had to build a frame to define thearea that is the garden.

But after all the prep was done, Holden was very excited. We took turns putting the seeds in the holes, and we watered like crazy every day.

And stuff actually GREW!
Specifically, we planted:

• Tomatoes
• String beans
• Cucumbers
• Watermelon
• Green peppers
• Squash
• Rosemary
• Spinach
  

This is all really written to show our crowning achievement - the melon!

Tears

Moments after my last post, I experience a great sense of loss... first, I was referred to a blog through my good friend Kevin - the blog of a mom who has suffered the loss of a child. And as I was reading her amazingly-vulnerable post about the grieving of this loss, I received a phone call. Here is the story of the phone call:
About a month ago, I went to the home of one of my participant's for my work. I visit each of them Quarterly, but I didn't really need to do this visit, because this young man was leaving my program at the end of the month. So, there wasn't really any point in the visit, except to have the paperwork in my file showing that I did my job.

I have only been to this home once before, in January with my boss, who was the previous Case Manager. I didn't know anything about the family outside of the stories told by pictures on the wall.

On this particular day in April, I arrived after school was out, so I could meet the son (my participant). And as I arrived, his older sister was getting ready to leave the house, moving between the kitchen and the living room. I had seen her in the pictures on the prior visit, but had not met her... and I wasn't sure of her age.
But looking at the pictures on the wall, I thought she was in high school or early college. And I noticed she was pregnant.
I made small talk, asking some silly question I can't recall. And mom said, "Yeah, she looks a little different than in that picture, since she is very pregnant." I said, "I noticed that. How far along?" since it seemed like an obvious observations. But the next part of the conversation was amazing.
Mom replied, "She is 36 weeks. And she is giving the baby up for adoption."

Immediately, I realized that they had just shared some sacred information with me. They looked anxious to see a reaction.

I asked, "What agency will you be using?"
And what they shared touched my heart. Through the youth minister at their church, they had found New Life, our adoption agency. The daughter left for her doctor's appointment, and mom shared the journey to this point in life. It is too private to fully reveal here, but I will share the ending. Mom said, "We got to meet the to-be adoptive parents yesterday. Here is their profile." And she showed me pictures of 2 people I know from a previous job, a beautiful Christian couple I had known to be shattered by infertility, and trusting God to bring them a child through adoption. I was so excited.

I went home and emailed the potential adoptive mom, my former co-worker. I shared our adoption stories, the adventure of loving and losing Brooklyn, and the beautiful relationship development with Darin's mom. And we emailed a few times that day.

Jump forward to today:
So my (former) participant's mom just called to share the rest of the story with me. First of all, I feel blessed to receive that phone call. Second, here is the beauty:

On last Friday, May 12, at full-term, the birthmom decided she wanted to be induced to deliver the baby. Her totally unselfish goal in this date was to hand over the new baby after the mandatory 48-hour waiting period on Sunday = MOTHER's DAY.
In the midst of making the hardest decision of her life, this beautiful girl THOUGHT OF SOMEONE ELSE! It is amazing. I can't imagine that clarity, that love.

Please pray for her now, as she cries to sleep for the past two nights, with arms that long for a baby she has given as a gift to my friends. Pray for her as she graduates, and goes to college, with a secret loss that she is too ashamed to share with those around her.
The gift of your child is the biggest sacrifice you could give someone. God gave his for me.